Thursday, May 7, 2009

Tiny Puppies in Tutus, or, Why Beverly Hills Residents Are Criminally Insane

Let it be known that I am a judgmental person. Let it also be known that if you judge me for saying this, you are as well, so you simply can't win. However, there are moments and occasions when I truly feel as if the world should be more judgmental so that tragic occurences like Tiny Puppies in Tutu's cannot be acceptable in any realm of the imagination.

Since moving to Los Angeles, I have encountered at least five of these such occurences. Five! Separate puppies! Wearing tutus! I have gathered that the rules of TPiT (Tiny Puppies in Tutu's- keep up) are as follows:

1. owner must live within 5 miles of the Beverly Hills zip code

2. dog must be smaller than 10 pounds

3. owner must be cruel and unusual to force their pet into this kind of punishment

On my drive to work every morning through Bev Hills, I encounter a woman, at 8:15 AM no less, walking her dog in full ballerina attire. The dog, not the woman- (she at least has SOME shred of dignity left, no matter how small). My question to the world is: WHY. Did the dog sleep in its costume? Does it insist on being walked only after it's performed a complete recital for its owners and or neighbors?

The pressing issue here is: how do we, as civil-minded residents of the adjoining areas in which this occurence is most frequent- prevent such acts? Has PETA not stepped in? ASPCA? Is this really totally ok? Granted, I'm not here as a Dog Right's Advocate. That's for another place and time. However, if my poor little Cheagle (thats half Beagle half Chihahuha, obviously) was ever forced to wear a ridiculous ballerina get-up, my only assumption is that he would promptly shit on my floor in retaliation. AS HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DO, as this is the only form of communication dogs have to tell you when you're being absolutely retahded.

Moral of the story: well, there is none. Take this knowledge as you will, but I urge you, bold reader, to take a stand against the immorality of dogs forced into a ballet career they simply don't have the passions or dreams for.

Let the dogs be dogs! Force your snotty children into ballet instead; perhaps it will dissuade them from a lifetime of drug usage and violence. Either way, they have the opposable thumbs to toss the tutu off if they don't like it.


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