Celebrity Baby Names- They don't suck, youre just jealous

Celebrities have always been ahead of the modern civilian in forms of technology, dialogue, fashion (see diagram A-1). 

A-1

Take this image of Lady Ga Ga for instance. I mean this just makes sense. Why go naked when you can wear SPANDEX. DUHHH America.

But this entry is not about the modernism of the "Lady" (whom post apocolyptic society will refer to her as in their version of the Torah).

No no my friends, this entry is about the jealousy that you have all felt about the awesomeness of the post modern 'Celebrity Baby Name'. (I just wanted to include the above picture because... because.)

Naming your baby something wild is no longer a form of rebellion in the celebs-reality, instead it is an initiation process. If you can handle baring a child of such utter awesomeness you must name it something equally as awesome so that people in school will make fun of him only one day for them to emerge as another kick ass 13 year old rockstar with an already troubled past. Now it is easier then you think if you want to follow the celeb baby naming trend and therefore produce your own celebaby. Just follow these simple trends and rules, and your baby will be taking karate lessons, speaking Creole and practicing Kabbalah by the age of ten. 

1. Flowers are the new fruit.

Hello under the rock America, this is baby Apple. Child of non other then the ultimate rocker Chris Martin of Coldplay, not to mention he married Gwen Paltrow. Celebs have gotten over naming their babies after the lust smell of a spring morning and have modernized headlining their children after citrus delights. I mean look at delightful little Apple, you might think she is listening to her daddy rockin out on album entitled Viva La Vida, but no my friend, Apple is listening to Harry Potter and The Sorcers Stone... on tape... in French. Those celebabies!!

 2. Names that make your baby one with the earth.

Poppy Honey: Jamie and Jules Oliver (also parents to Daisy Boo)

Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily: Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence

ORRRR

The Original SocioModernisticCelebFamlioso

SAGE MOONBLOOD.

Look at this family. Sage Moonblood has been bread since the cradle to be the ultimate ninja girl of this century. She is actually practicing her jump kick in this actual photo if you look close enough. And where is Sage Moonblood now? Only the CIA has a clue, and maybe Perez.

Case: Ninja Baby.

3. Your celebaby may also be named after a sound that could mistaken for a sneeze. 

Aanisah: Macy Gray (also mother to Tahmel)

Diezel Ky: Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis (also parents to Denim Cole)

Tallulah: Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (also parents to Scout and Rumer)

Or personally the sneeze I am most jealous not to be named:

Baby Zuma

I think this goes for the most obvious reason, if you are named after a sneeze, people will continually bless you. And well, a blessing is a blessing, and let's face it, these poor children will get made fun of enough during school, but not at youth group.

Celebaby Safe Zone: Youth Groups and Scientology Centers.

4. When all else fails close your eyes and open a dictionary.

This may sound snarkish to you, but in fact this has been a secret ritual passed on by many celebs in choosing the babiest of baby names. Of course you must go in with the mentality that your baby will forever, be just, a baby.

Rufus Tiger: Roger Taylor also father to Tiger Lily and Lola Daisy

Moon Unit: Frank Zappa, also father to Dweezil and Diva Muffin

Memphis Eve: Bono

Pilot Inspektor: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf

And the number one celebparents that think there baby should be the inspiration for an 80s cover band:

Baby Zuma

I think this goes for the most obvious reason, if you are named after a sneeze, people will continually bless you. And well, a blessing is a blessing, and let's face it, these poor children will get made fun of enough during school, but not at youth group.

Celebaby Safe Zone: Youth Groups and Scientology Centers.

4. When all else fails close your eyes and open a dictionary.

This may sound snarkish to you, but in fact this has been a secret ritual passed on by many celebs in choosing the babiest of baby names. Of course you must go in with the mentality that your baby will forever, be just, a baby.

Rufus Tiger: Roger Taylor also father to Tiger Lily and Lola Daisy

Moon Unit: Frank Zappa, also father to Dweezil and Diva Muffin

Memphis Eve: Bono

Pilot Inspektor: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf

And the number one celebaby that will one day be the inspiration for an 80s cover band:

Audio Science

'Nuf Said. 

-Lo.