Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Its a Riot Riot! (so bring your transparent umbrella)

Well I hope you are all as enthused with the success of the business transaction that has become the Snark and Beans Project. For all of you who love and enjoy the company and humor of Lori and Liza, congratulations, it is available at your finger tips. For those of you who are partial, well... maybe Bristol Palin has a blog that might better suit your needs. This blog will make you laugh, cry, wipe your sleeve with snot, and then bring you back to the beginning. So hold onto your man thong cuz its gunna be a wet and slimey sleeve day. Kleenex not included.

Here is just a small sample of the horrifying thoughts that travel through my mind at rapid light speed. This was what I managed to collect in the milky way of it all.

Things Life Has Yet To Shed The Light Of Day On.

Why Jay and Silent Bob have their own retail outlet yet Nora Jones doesn’t even get her own shelf at Borders.

Why anyone I went to high school with has yet to recognized my breakthrough role in this Christmas’ blockbuster “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”.

How a fax machine works, really this should be my number one inquiry.

Why anyone would want to compare the sacred parts of their body to a delicious item of Mexican cuisine, for instance Tacos.

Why only old people are associated with bingo, really this is just unfair.

Why Canada cannot be one with the U.S.


Those state reports you did in 5th grade.

Tupac Shakur.

Those Goldfish with the puffy eyes.

Goldfish that are not gold, yet black with silver specs.

Molly Pitcher.

Why the stethoscope?

The popularly used catch phrase ‘Get er dun?” Is that some sort of sexual innuendo, because if so women should be in much more of a riot than I have recently perceived.


Giraffe sex.

Why people like to watch other people eat cow balls on television.

Why Chelsea Handler is allowed to flaunt her mouth all over television, yet we are young and vibrant (and have much perkier breasts) yet we are disregarded.

How they have successfully kept the endless soup salad and breadsticks Olive Garden special a secret from the homeless.

Why people are offended by my sarcasm.

Why I just had to use spell check to spell sarcasm.

And the mystery of the man who mentored this small child: