Friday, May 22, 2009

Family Ties: Or, Why The Family Portrait Tradition Should Never Die

Ohhh, the glory days of family portraiture. How else would you remember those who gave birth to you, or those offspring of yours that have disappeared off to nursery school and/or college, never to return again? But, as all families should know, portraits must be a direct reflection of the family. Meaning, for example, if mama and papadukes met and conceived little Elvira at a 1980's hair band concert (and by 'at' the concert, clearly, I'm referring to the ladies restroom in the mezzanine), why not represent that for all eternity, printed on photo paper and framed and placed above the fireplace? Below, some other familial treats.

Now, imagine you are a shopping mall glamourshots booth worker. Now imagine that young Rupert and Evelyn are your first customers of the day. Now imagine them both taking off their tops within moments of arriving in the studio. Can you say 'long day'?

This is pure Jew-Jealously. As a member of the Chosen People myself, I can only dream of days in which i case a family as JewThug as this fine Goldenbergenstein family.

Some families REALLY dig Disney. I didn't fully grasp that concept until I visited Disneyland for the first time and was a back shocked slash horrified at the visiting crowds. Now, I support the Rasheem family for their dedication to the film Aladdin, but they could have at least taken it that extra step and gotten a REAL tiger. Cheapskates.

The positioning in this picture is tooo good. Whilst out on a family picnic one lovely Sunday day, all wearing their Sunday Whites, the Smithson family realized that low-hanging branch was a prime perch for spending a lazy afternoon.

Horrifying. So many questions are raised after seeing this picture. Mainly: Were the costumes provided by the photo studio, or are they pre-purchased? How did they each pick characters? And, most importantly, does little Matthew know he's going to grow up and get beaten up behind the playground every day for this shot?

The Blackley boys knew they'd never get a chance to go to a REAL prom, so they asked big sisters Becky and Tina to help them recreate the magic. The girls happily obliged.

And I leave you with one important family-portrait-taking note. Always watch those hands. Greg is going to get an earful from Pops later. "You need to respect your mother, Greg! Hands off the goods!"


  1. What is Mr. Rasheem wearing? It's been a while since i saw Aladin, but i sure don't remember Leisure Suit Larry being one of the main characters.

  2. His dark suit represents the evils of Jaffar. His sons handle the responsibility of the Aladdin lookalike contest.

  3. Yeah I posted that on Facebook as my new favorite site, along with !!

    LOL some of these families... what were they thinking??