Friday, May 8, 2009

Daisy Ain't Got Shit On Me. VOTE AMERICA!

Dear VH1,

 I have had enough. This little game between you and I has gone on long enough. After months of negotiation hard ball, I am coming to you with an offer, America's blog readers as my witness. 

I bring to you The Untitled "10 Guys Will Fall In Love of Lori G But She Will Choose Only One To Go Then Break Up With So He Can Then Get His Own Reality Show" Project. 

I demand the rights to Executive Produce, Story Edit, Host, and Star in this original reality hit. 

I have also provided you with the following contestants, this will cut down on your budget as far as casting and deal negotiations, considering all of the following men have already signed waivers to participate only for the winnings of my love. Please approve the following.

"Etch A Sketch" 
There is something very vulgar yet sensitive about
this man that I felt would be appealing to America. Keep in mind
VH1 that not only do I have my best interest in mind
but also the best interest of your viewers, and it goes without
saying he will be America's sweetheart.

"Big Blue"
Big Blue is a father of six and a grandfather of thirteen.
If that doesn't scream, we will live Happily Ever After. I am not sure what does. 
Plus, If I had to pick a football team to like, I guess it would be the Giants.
And his wife told me I am the only woman he has ever
offered to lend his coat to. 

"4 Wheels"
You know, I swore off boys on skateboards in 6th grade
and have stayed pretty true to that promise ever since.
But times are changing, clogs are back in style, and apparently 
tee shirts that look like fake tuxedos are too.
I like this guy's style, I mean, check out his wolf hat. 
(I think it's a Twilight promo!)

Alright so every dating show now comes standardly equipped with
the androgynous contestant, right? It appeals to some sort of secret fetish
Americans don't want to admit that they have. Plus this "person" plays some 
strange instrument which is both intriguing and incredibly sexy.
Anyone that plays any instrument is sexy.
Plus this will make for GREAT tv.

"Run DMC"
These guys are just plain hot. And their mom's would
only let them sign up together so, WIN WIN!

I thought it would be ironic to call nickname him Paco. 
Paco is a Harvard Law School Grad and has opened his own 
multi million dollar 
Panty Liner business called, "Safe to Go". 
Even if it doesn't work out with Paco, at least I will have
made a rich friend with a private jet.

"12 Pack"
Alright VH1, let's face it. If I didn't do it, you were going to. 

"Shoe Cleaner"
Shoe Cleaner has been working at Yum Yum Donuts for 
2 years and just bought a 1996 Mustang Convertible with his savings.
I think he is a great representation of the American Dream.
And aren't we all just trying to live the American Dream?
Viewers will really be able to relate to Shoe Cleaner.

"Colonel Robert E. Lee"
Rumor on the street is this guy lives in a castle.
A legitimate castle in the Catskills.
Why would he be wearing that coat if he didn't live in a castle.
Word on the street is this man once sha-boinked Harriet Tubman.
And that is just groundbreaking for their time. I just want him on my show
for the support of interracial dating history. 
Now the program is also educational!!
(I would have had Mr. Rogers on the show but he is signing onto Celebrity Bachelorette)

If you ask me this guy looks like a HUGE bore. But we needed
one more contestant, so I was like, 

Well thank you VH1 for your time and support. America please place your votes in the comment section as to who you hope will win The Untitled "10 Guys Will Fall In Love of Lori G But She Will Choose Only One To Go Then Break Up With So He Can Then Get His Own Reality Show" Project. 


(78.3% of photos are a derivative of


  1. Will this show also be sponsored by Vice Do's and Dont's? I'm such a loser for recognizing that.

    Anyways, you guys are cool I'll add you to my roll.

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  3. "A Real Fun Read"--The Tribune. Actually, I don't know if there really is a Tribune, but I sure did have fun reading this.

  4. I'm diggin' Asian Elvis. He's got one of those ring lights for his camera so even if you're not into him, you'd have dreamy-eyes in all of his photos of you. Plus, he looks so smooth and hairless - that's hot.

  5. lol @ 12 Pack. Naturally he'll be featured. Regarding the theme of the post and Daisy of Love in particular, I was a little saddened that they went the Flava/New York route of giving the contestants those retarded names. I preferred the Rock of Love way of just calling them by their real names (or at least the stage names they came in with).

  6. I vote for Captain James Tiberius Kirk the Younger.