Monday, September 14, 2009

NY Fashion Week: Or, Why Do People Pay Thousands for Ugly Shit?

Ahh, New York's Fall Fashion Week. One of my favorite times of the year, personally. So many fun faces, styles, patterns, drapings, and most importantly, fashion disasters. While living in LA, I find myself pouring over the almost 24/7 coverage of the Week, be it via websites or Twitter (yes, I've resorted to up-to-the-minute coverage on Twitter. Don't judge me ... or just keep your mouth shut!)

But one of the best parts about NYFW are the disasters. Or at least, what I interpret to be disasters. Unlike couture shows, these clothes are made ready-to-wear .. in theory. Which is why it's so godamn fun to rip them to shreds and make the generalizing assumption that no woman in her right mind (or man- whatever. Your life!) would wear these garments walking down the street. And so I present to you, a possible PART ONE OF TWO (hold your applause) -- Liza's Official Critique of the Worst Looks Thus Far in NY Fall Fashion Week, or "LOC of the WLTF in NYFFW" for short.

Look #1: Whitney Eve

Now, I cannot judge this fashion designer that harshly ... for she is a 22 year old reality TV star. Whitney Port, star of MTV's rivetinggg hit series 'The City' and formerly 'The Hills' has turned into a fashion designer for no other forseeable reason than she was bored. Props to her; when I'm bored I turn to snacks. So poor Whitney, I'll give it to you gently. By telling a story. When I was little I had a tiny dog who loved to eat crayons. It was an intense fascination. When he pooped, he would always poop out little rainbows- I kid you not. Did you have a dog like this? Was he or she your inspiration for this particular look? If so, you nailed it. Props!

Look #2: Vivienne Tam

I can really appreciate when a designer gives an ode to murder victims by representing the pain, misery, and 'ouch!' factor of a stab to the heart with a lovely faux blood display cascading down the front of an outfit. Extra points to the model for not running with the theme and crawling up the runway, last breaths-style.

Look #3: Rosa Cha

Remember that great scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, where the delightful little Oompa Loompas and Gene Wilder and the gang are all wearing those bright white suits right before sending that giant candy bar across the room and reassembling it from the millions of little pieces into a smaller, television sized candy bar? Yup, Rosa Cha remembers. She even got the protective glasses down pat!

Look #4: LAMB by Gwen Stefani

"Whoopsie! I forgot pants! Good thing I will still keep warm with this blazer on top. My belly and upper arms always get so chilly."

Look #5: LAMB by Gwen Stefani

And to think, I always thought of sweatpants as lounge-wear, not business-wear. My eyes are now open. Thank you, Gwen.

Look #6: Jason Wu
Horrifying black lips aside, this dress looks as if it is ready to straight up take flight off the runway. For some inexplicable reason, the critics loved this look. I beg to differ. Jason Wu is the go-to designer for First Lady Michelle Obama. I reallly hope she doesn't pick this dress for an occasion, Glenn Beck would have a godamn field day. I can hear it now "OBAMA HATES AMERICA CAUSE SHE SLAUGHTERED A BALD EAGLE TO MAKE THIS DRESS!"

Look #7: Erin Fetherston

I don't know, it might just be too .... conservative for my taste. I like to show a bit more skin.

Look #8: Charlotte Ronson

Again, I'm going to ignore the annoying accoutrement on this look and focus on the clothing- or lack thereof. Thank goodness the lovely Ronson twin gave this poor model a scarf, otherwise she'd, like, totally freeze her butt off in this raw NY fall weather!

Look #9: Christian Siriano

I mean, I guess it goes without saying that its sooo obvious why Christian won last season of Project Runway. Who WOULDN'T wear this versatile and flattering one-piece?

Look #10: BCBG Max Azria

Maz Azria should know better than to pick models that will get so nervous before the show that they vomit up all of their morning's breakfast all over the front of their dresses. In the case of this unfortunate purger, it would appear she had a hearty meal of diamonds. and bling. 'Sup indigestion.

Look #11: BCBG Max Azria
You know that villain from Batman, Two Face? Turns out he had a daughter!

Look #12: Alexander Wang

Ugh, FINALLY. The PERFECT skirt to show off my new bellybotton ring slash pregnancy. And in such an exquisite color!

Look #13: Alexander Wang

Admittedly, Alexander Wang's collection WAS football/sports themed (I couldn't make this up if I tried) - but still. A modified snuggie with leather waist strap and matching helmet? Well, at least she'll be cozy at the big game?? "C'mon everyone! Huddle in my dress for warmth!"
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Don't worry folks, there are still 5 more days of NY Fashion Week to go. Expect more highlights soon.

1 comment:

  1. For starters, I love the name of this blog. "Snark" is in my top ten list of favorite words. Second, this particular post literally made me laugh out loud. I don't follow fashion by any means, but I have always wondered what on earth goes through some designer's heads as they're coming up with some of this stuff and even more so what the heck the models must be thinking when they have to wear it. Hope to read more of your snark-tastic commentary!