Celebs Are Sleepy: Or, Awards Shows = Guantanamo for Celebrities

So, I'm sittin' on my couch eating a pint of ice cream (don't hate!) last night, kicking back and watching The awards show of all awards shows, the all-important MTV Movie Awards. You know, the one with the awards for such integral moments in film such as 'Best WTF Moment' and the always-essential 'Best Kiss.'

But I digress. As just a Joe (Josephine?) Shmo watching on my couch at home, I feel as if I have the right to be viewing sans pants, hair greased, and with a semi-bored expression on my already tired face. However, my rights, I feel, do not extend to members of the acting community that have chosen this profession and all of the responsibilities and tedious tasks that go with it.

To put it bluntly, and address the problem celebs head on: you have no right to appear bored, or unhappy, or pissed-to-be-there at an awards ceremony. None. Let's put on our faux sympathetic cap for a moment, shall we?

Jamie Foxx, why so glum? No Oscar this year? Yeaa, your life sure does blow.


"Wahhh. My life is sooo hard. First I got paid, like, 20 million for this action flick, and I KNOWW I deserved at least 25, but I didnt get it 'cause I'm a girl, and this industry like, totally hates on us. But, like, now I have to go promote it and shit, and get tons and tons of bags of free stuff I could afford anyway, and put on a really expensive sparkly dress that I also didn't pay for, and lather on the bling, which, SHOCK - didn't pay for, and then I have to WALK, yes, WALK, down a red carpet, which is soooo tiring as it is, but then I can't even go home! I have to go sit in a dark theater and watch OTHER people perform and win awards. Which is just so hard, because, like, I could be doing something WAY more fun. Like drinking! Or..... sleeping! Both of which I muuuch prefer to this torture. ... What? What's that? I'll get to drink for free after this? But when!!? Oh, just another two more hours of sitting in this plush chair? UGHHH. My life sucks. Why, god, why?"

Needless to say, I do not sympathize. As I sit from my perch on my couch in ViewerLand, I wonder- who told you this was the hardest part of life? And did you smack them in the back of the head promptly thereafter? No? Well, I will.



Peaches Geldof, who, although a famous name, is not known for any talents in particular.

Hence her horrible, horrible boredom at the front row of a fashion show?

Pooooor celebrities. Getting poked fun of by over-enthusiastic emcee's on stage. Why won't anyone leave them alone? They're such victims.

Cover up that yawn, Ben Stiller. Stop looking like your puppy died, Tom Cruise. Wipe that tear from your eye, Megan Fox, living off the. I promise this will all be over soon. Then you can go back to living your life in obscurity; out there land quietly. That's what you want, isn't it?

ISN'T IT!?

-Li

Gifts for my BFF Lindsay! Help me decide America!

As a blogologist, it is my duty to inform the inter-web of activities that not only are happening in my realm, but also the realm of celebrities. For those of you who are not familiar, Lindsay Dee Lohan (aka our BFFAE) has a birthday coming up July 2nd (eeeeeeeep!) and I need your help deciding what to get for her!!!! I know this is exciting America, but keep it in your skivies. I have provided a list of gifts that all seem like something Lindsay could use and most certainly does not have!!

(Lindsay - Over the Shoul.)

Gift #1- The Food Focuser.

It's no secret Lindsay has a short attention span, and a hard time focusing on the food put in front of her. She is a BUSY BEE! This way Lindsay can dodge those Anorexia rumors and really put her mind where her mouth is!

Gift #2- The Sam. Ron. Proto Type.

We have all been a victim of the Sam. Ron. Lin. Lo. breakup factor. I think this would really help Lindsay, and America, get through the hard times... and the recession.

Gift #3- Hangover Hard Hat

A picture is worth a thousand words... and well THIS would prevent...

THIS!

Gift #4- Boobie's for Boys!

Lindsay likes boys, but Lindsay also likes Boobies. I think this is a real winner of an option.

Gift #5- Vending Machine Dress

This is used as a form of protection in Japan. But I think it's a real get-a-way 

from those paparazzi. They are dumb as bricks! And this way they can stay hydrated!

Gift #6- Finger Plates!

I think this will go along well with the food concentrator (Gift #1) option. Rehabilitation comes gradually, and this will be perfect for all of those fancy receptions she goes to. This way it just looks like a mini ring burger, and she can hold two glasses of wine still!

Gift #7- The "ME" camera extender!

This is pretty self- explainatory. No jokes about this guy. 

(OVER THE SHOUL!)

HAPPY B-DAY LINZ!

-Lo.